What is it about a bespectacled man that's so irresistible?
I want to have your short-sighted children.
I would be lying if I said I hadn’t requested - mid-coitus - more than one man to please, please, put on your reading glasses.
Hey, this is a safe space! Everybody’s got their thing that they’re into - and for me, there’s something about a man in spectacles that is so unbelievably sexy to me.
There’s a photo of Carrie Fisher where she’s flirtatiously taking a pair of glasses from Harrison Ford and putting them on herself, grinning up at him. And to her, beyond the grave, I’d say: girl, I get it.
That’s the thing, isn’t it? The power of a man in glasses transcends time; it transcends life, death… space: I’ve never seen Star Wars but I imagine I probably would’ve watched it by now if Han Solo had some sexy intergalactic glasses.
On New Year’s Eve I went to the pub with a friend, her brother, and a group of his university friends. Immediately - and predictably - one of the guys in the group caught my eye. His defining feature? Those sweet, sweet wire-frames, baby.
Immediately my mind went to visions of our future together. Him as a marzipan groom atop our wedding cake with his little marzipan glasses on; me bearing his short-sighted children; his eyesight deteriorating in our old age, leaving him requiring glasses 24/7 (the dream!).
Anyway, to make a short story even shorter, he had a girlfriend, and I had to excuse myself to go to the toilet for a little while to wipe away the froth from the corners of my mouth. Whilst I was composing myself, I took a long, hard look at myself - what’s the deal with you and men in glasses?
I guess I’m kind of like a weeb for visually impaired dudes.
I myself have pretty good vision and only wear my very low prescription reading glasses once in a blue moon. I couldn’t poooossssibly understand the experience of not being able to tell a Q from an O in the back room of Specsavers. I’m guess I’m kind of like a weeb for visually impaired dudes. I’m like those white guys who only date Asian girls, expect for me I pretty much exclusively date men in glasses. In fact, I’ve made more concessions for bespectacled men than I should probably admit: at university, I repeatedly had the worst sex of my life with a man because he looked so Clark Kent-ish in his glasses that it kind of made up for the, let’s say, interesting technique.
But why? Why is a man with a lil’ astigmatism so unbearably hot?
I guess the simplest explanation is that in our culture, glasses have long signified intelligence. Think of all the sweet, nerdy, bookish male characters throughout film and literary history - who among us didn’t watch Dead Poets Society and develop an unhealthy obsession with Robert Sean Leonard? Who could’ve read The Secret History and not wanted to neck off a little bit with Henry or Francis?
Maybe it’s also that a cute little pair of glasses seem to convey a sense of vulnerability: this man won’t hurt me, because without his glasses, he won’t be able to see me. Yay! A man in specs is generally pretty unthreatening, which is always a plus.
I want to point out that I’m not the only woman who feels this way about opthamalogically-challenged men. In fact, my old flatmate and I came up with a theory: that all men look better in a pair of round glasses. To support our thesis, we devised a highly scientific means of testing - that is, adding aforementioned glasses to photos of various men with the help of Canva.
Maybe we’ll never know why exactly men with less than 20-20 vision are so hot. But here’s some pictures of already-hot men who look even hotter in glasses, to prove my point:
Are you a glasses-wearing man? You should contact me (for research purposes).